I dreamt a dream the other night I couldn't sleep a wink
The rats were tryin' to count the sheep and I was off the drink
There were footsteps in the parlour and voices on the stairs
I was climbin' up the walls and movin' round the chairs.
I looked out from under the blanket up at the fireplace.
The Pope and John F. Kennedy were starin' in me face.
and suddenly it dawned at me I was getting the old D.T.s
When the Child o' Prague began to dance around the mantlepiece.
Well Goodbye to the Port and the Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
To the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness ad I could never figure out
How your man stayed up on the surfboard after fourteen pints of stout.
Well I swore upon the bible I'd never touch a drop.
My heart was palpitatin' I was sure 'twas going to stop,
Thinkin' I was dyin' I gave my soul to God to keep.
A tenner to St. Anthony to help me get some sleep.
I fell in an awful nightmare - got a dreadful shock.
When I dreamt there was no Duty-free at the airport down in Knock.
George Seawright was sayin' the rosary and SPUC were on the pill.
Frank Patterson was gargled and he singin' Spancil Hill.
Well Goodbye to the Port and the Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
To the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness ad I could never figure out
How your man stayed up on the surfboard after fourteen pints of stout.
I dreamt that Skinny Lister had called it all a day
Excelsior had struck a rock and gone down in the Waves
Our discord got deleted, the servers just went black
And Kimbers men went off to Greece and never made it back
The Llandogger collapsed and took the Old duke in the fall
The publishers for Christie Moore were trying to sue us all.
And then I saw that Taylor swift was covering Wellerman.
Twas then I knew i'd never ever ever drink again
Well Goodbye to the Port and the Brandy, to the Vodka and the Stag,
To the Schmiddick and the Harpic, the bottled draught and keg.
As I sat lookin' up the Guinness ad I could never figure out
How your man stayed up on the surfboard after fourteen
15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22....etc.
Pints of stout
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