Kratos (Arin):
I am Kratos the destroyer, I'm the harbinger of death.
All of the gods tremble before me as they draw their final
breath.
In my first 12 games I murdered every lord the earth has
seen.
Now what immortal foes await me here in God of War 13?
Chaires (Danny):
Kratos, you are power mad gone evil and insane.
Your killing streak was vicious, now only us lesser gods
remain!
You've slain my father Ares, the overlord of endless war...
So now you'll face me, Chaires, the overlord of chairs and
drawers!
Let's do this!
Worlds out of control! (So sad, this planet gone!)
Kratos killed them all, and now we're running out of gods!
The ones that we have left...
They're not the best but they're our last line of defense!
So...
Here comes Spermes! The god of busting nuts!
Mighty Twerkules! He is the lord of jiggle butts!
And no, not all is lost, we have Posoydon, sacred god of
sushi sauce!
Kratos (Arin):
ENOUGH!
Don't mock me with these weaklings I could slay with my bare
hands!
I've killed the god of love, the god of light, and the god
of one night stands!
I've killed the gods of tweezers, puppets, speedos,
football, skis, and sacks!
And I even oo-slay the ittle-ay itch-bay od-gay of Pig
Latin!
Chaires (Danny):
No more of these pathetic pawns, their blood has all been
spilled!
We shall unleash a champion that's worthy of your skill!
Now here he is, from distant lands, our savior so divine!
God of Baked Potatoes (Arin):
What's up, Kratos?
I'm the god of baked potatoes!
AGH, MY SPINE!
Chaires (Danny):
Holy shit, there's more. He's mowing through them all.
There goes the god of smores, and also thumbtacks, nests,
and balls!
Just one last god remains...
Who is this mystery lord, he shall save our domain!
God of That Thing Where You're Just About To Sneeze (Danny):
I am the god of that thing where you're just about to sneeze
but then your friend is all "hey, what's up?" and you
suddenly freeze!
But then you still have that nose tingle, it's a horrible
tease!
And you're like "FUUUUCK!"
*stab*
ARGH!
Oh, Kratos, you are such a dick!
Kratos (Arin):
Yes, I know.
It's awesome!
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