Hey girl, I think you're really cool
And it would be gravy if you would be my baby, baby
But don't worry because I know the rules
I gotta court you, baby, before you are my lady, baby
Would you look at the time? It's half past champagne
On a hill, while the sun sets, and we watch an aeroplane write your name
And then it's back to the Shangri-La
I bought you this new car 'n wrote you all this poetry, you love it, baby
I know what girls like, that's why
You don't have to ask, I've saved the best 'til last
Three hours with a close-up magician
"What?"
Shut the fuck up, he's about to start
Three hours with a Craigslist magician
Pick a card, any card, choose any card
Not that one!
(Close) He's gonna do things (Close-up) that bend your mind (Magic)
With his tiny foam balls, and an almost-full deck of cards
When seducing you is my ultimate mission
You know, you're getting three hours with a close-up magi (Oh, yeah!)
Tell me girl, do you like magic?
"Not really"
Well, thank god your boyfriend hired a
Close-up magician
I get right up in your face
Don't give a damn about your personal space
Now you're in my workplace
Was your card the three of hearts?
"No." Fuck!
He started telling us his mother's in remission
Now he's crying, what an aphrodisiac
This close-up magician
Drops his stupid deck of cards, we watch him trip and fall hard
His pants fall down, I would be lying if I said he had stopped crying (Sad)
Three hours with a close-up magician
Four of clubs? "No"
Ace of hearts? "No"
My driver's license? "No"
An UNO card? "No." Fuck!
Three hours with a close-up magician
I know you're happy to stay, so babe, I'm happy to pay for
Six hours with a close-up magician
We're gonna prestidigitate until the break of dawn
Your whole life with a close-up magician
He's almost finished guessing your card wrong
Ace of diamonds? "No." Fuck!
Close-up magi-ician
Close-up magi-ician
Close-up magi-ician
Three hours, six hours, turns quickly into life
He sleeps between us at night with a big knife
He dreams (Ooh) with both eyes open (Ooh, ah)
And periodically screams (Ooh, ah)
Because in his dreams he's forced to do far-away magic
(Close) Seven years (Close-up)
The changing of seasons (Magic)
He says he's gotta live rent free with us
For super secret magic reasons (No)
He is not homeless (Not unhoused)
You doubt him too much, girl (Just magic)
He senses your disbelief, and he's finally had enough
He knows what girls like, that's why
We float into the night sky
You can't believe your eyes
It's a vanishing act, he's saved the best 'til last
Goodbye, from your close-up magician
Three hours with a close-up magician
Behind the couch, is that our close-up magician?
Please don't look there, that must be a different magician
His pants fell down again, poor close-up magician
That's just part of the trick, what a cool close-up magician
Please, stop crying, little close-up magician
Your whole life with a close-up mag close-up mag (Yes)
Three hours with a close-up magician
Girl, I knew you'd come around to the magic
Three hours with a close-up magician
Maybe now he'll stop doing card tricks
Or maybe not
Six hours with a close-up magician
We're gonna prestidigitate until our faces melt
Your whole life with a close-up magician
We'd better buy this C.U.M. a belt
(Close-up magi-ician)
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