[Fat Mike]
Whenever you're in need, or just feeling down
Remember that I'm probably on tour in a different town
If you're in a bind or feeling against a wall
Please don't make me one of the first people that you call
And I mean this very sincerishly
[Eric Melvin]
Don't count on me - 'cuz I'm the worst
If I'm there it'll be a surprise to so many other friends that I'd call first
It's not that I don't care
I just don't care very much
Because I'm either on the spectrum or just plain out of touch
That's who I am, it's what I do
I could change if I wanted to, but I don't
[Fat Mike]
But if you really (But if you really)
Need someone to count on (Need someone to count on)
To bring you stress, to extinguish happiness
And anxiety and duress
[Eric Melvin]
You can always count on me
'Cause I'm chalant, I'm inspiteful
I am ....ble, .....ble
I'm a cockroach in a salad
I'm a ....... on a ballot
I'm an empty diary
As useful as a college degree
I put the 'emo' in chemotherapy
So if you ever really need some one to be there
[Fat Mike]
Don't count on me
I'm just a clown
I'm gonna wind you up
I'm gonna cheer you down
I made the choice
To accept what people think of me
I'll be your wipping boy
Or your friendly effigy
I'll even go down for the count
[Eric Melvin]
Don't count on me about
I was born in the beginning
So I won't be in the end
So feel free to call me friendly
Just please, don't call me friend
[El Hefe]
After thirty years I'm still the new guy
Sometimes guitar it feels like work
When I first checked out
And Fatty's Captain Kirk
I think he's the punk rock William Shatner
I can see the similarity
He's closer to tidy's out of touch and like sensitivity
[Fat Mike]
Don't look at me like you're in shock
Smelly is our Rachel
He sure is Mr. Spock
And Melvin is the clean on
Look he's got the same straight face
And I'm sorry to tell you Hefe
But in the future
There's still no Mexicans in space
So don't count on me
Cause I couldn't be prouder
The coke I shared with you
Was just crank and baby powder
Just like Cockie the Clown
I'm gonna wind you up
I'm gonna cheer you down
Cause this is what I consider fun
Making you think the sun was already done
So don't count on me
Don't count on me
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