Right lads
I sat at the bar when a man asked what I call my private parts
I said, How much time have you got?
HEY!
My mother called it private
My doctor called it grand
My granny crossed herself and said
Keep both feet on holy ground
But I've called it the kitty
The treasure and the pie
The little velvet secret
That can make a grown man cry
It changes with the weather
It changes with the moon
And after several glasses
I'll invent another soon
I've got fifty names for my fancy
Fifty-one when I've had some gin
The honey pot, the lady garden
The place where trouble begins
The peach, the pearl, the velvet purse
The cookie and the clam
You can call it nearly anything
I know exactly what I have
On Monday it's the flower
By Tuesday Paradise
On Wednesday it's don't even try
No matter how you ask me twice
By Friday it's the treasure chest
If someone treats me right
And Saturday it gets a name
I shouldn't say out loud
The blossom and the biscuit
The oyster and the pie
The garden gate, the treasure chest
The apple pie of your eye
And when I've used up every name
I just call it
The vertical smile
I've got fifty names for my fancy
Fifty-two by half past ten
A different one for every mood
And then I start again
The peach, the pearl, the honey pot
The flower and the clam
You can call it anything you like
Just don't call me by my name
Fifty names...
And tomorrow, fifty-three
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