Are you ready for your mind to be flayed?
As every memory of your life is erased
You'll be reborn, renamed, reformed, remade
Out of a tragic backstory, that's sort of cliche, like, uh
But this is who I am, tell me, who are you?
If this isn't your jam, sorry, I'm the Bard, dude
I got the riz to blow the lid right off a tall roof
That's how I raise the bar and make a fan of all you
I know my role, but I gotta find me a squad
They oughta know I run the show, I'm the one writing the plot
I mean like right out the Gate, I'm tryna pilot a naut
But I don't initiate before I line up my shot
If I could marry the game, right now I'm tyin' the knot
But if it's gonna get dicey, I feel like mine'll be hot
As long as I get to talk, I'm really likin' the odds
I'll make the call before we roll, so when it's time for the drop, I got you
Take a buff of my bardic inspiration
Listen up to this uplifting sensation
As I play on my lute, take your aim and then shoot
With every throw that I make, I'll save 'em
Yo, I'm so charismatic, and I'm no less proficient
With intimidation - make your retreat expeditious
I'll reverse any curse if you're castin' a hex
I might've bounced a few checks, but I'm passin' the rest
Silver-tongued, so yes, I'm quick with my words
Just like I am on my feet, because I'm fit for a nerd
It's like your mind I can read - my whits are kickin' in first
And with a flick of the wrist, I'll flip the script in a flourish
Surely my words are weapons - whisper dissonantly
While climbin' all the right branches on the dialogue tree
Tell me I can't, so I can show you you're wrong
Like when the potion seller says that his potion's too strong
I go hard for a Bard, there ain't much that can phase me
Long as I got my songs and all my people to praise me
When am I getting my flowers? You know by now that I may be
More Dandelion than Geralt, but I ain't pushin' up daisies
Take a buff of my bardic inspiration
Just like an overdose of motivation
Pluckin' on my guitar to put the pump in your heart
That's like the first part of Bard initiation
Let me give you some bardic inspiration
They'll be bumpin' my songs all over Faerun
I've been known to make rolls so advantageous
I've read up on the rules just so I can break 'em
I'm such dashing half-elf from the woods
Although I won't be robbin' you, I'm one hell of a hood
Ever so wealthy of knowledge, clever and stealthy of foot
I've never had a single show that didn't sell like it should
I'm not one to kiss and tell, now I don't plan to start
But what I got below my belt? Is my better part
So let me be the one to lighten up your Shadowheart
We'll get the camp set up, and let the romance spark
And if you're smart, you'll never cross my path, nah, you don't want my wrath
Beg for mercy, better yet my autograph
I can design your confusion with more than minor illusion
'Cause after I hit you with this, you might find yourself bruisin'
With the lightest sleight of hand I'm in and out of your pocket
So when you've lost everything, I'll insist you just dropped it
My music gives, and it takes, including physical toll
'Cause when a Bard hits hard - it's a critical role
Take a buff of my bardic inspiration
Listen up to this uplifting sensation
As I play on my lute, take your aim and then shoot
With every throw that I make, I'll save 'em
So when the die are rollin' hot, simply give 'em a throw
'Cause when you're already winnin', it's easy lettin' 'em go
Just like a musical crescendo that you feel in your soul
My modifiers make every one a critical fail, ah shit!
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