I barely
Notice as you pick up all the pieces
How long have I been like this?
You must be tired, and I'm still trying
To find the words to compensate
For how vacant I've been today
Can't believe that I would take
You for granted, God, I hate myself
For letting you shoulder the weight for two
If it gets too much to hold
I won't blame you if you go
In every conversation, you fight for my attention
But I can feel the ennui that wears down your affections
Does it help if I say that I'm sorry?
I know you must be tired
But I'm scared because I
No longer recognise myself
So whose role have I been modelled after?
Mother's warmth and father's laughter
Yet somewhere in between with my anxieties and guilt
Oh, what is the price of my reprieve if not a life of misery?
Held hostage by a blade of shame
With your name at the hilt
But I still can't
Find the words to compensate for how vacant I have been
Never meant to take you for granted, but I know that I did
God, I hate myself for how you must think about me now
Know how much it hurts to grieve
But please don't hate me if I leave
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