I don't know when I started to feel so old
I don't know why I'm here and maybe I won't
Or why God lets me live in this beautiful world
While others die, others die
I grew up right here on this little street
So why does it feel unfamiliar to me
And why can't I seem to fit into the world
No matter where I go, no matter where I go
The last time I smoked weed was ages ago
I get paranoid so I won't anymore
But I'd smoke out of apples on my patio
In my underwear, I burnt my hair
I don't know where I go when I can't be present
Or why I feel like dying every now and then
I know there are scars that are just permanent
But I'm still so young, I'm still so young
When I lost my grandmother, I lost myself
I'm wearing the ring that she gave me, it helps
But I swear to God I can't feel her no more
And it breaks my heart, it breaks my heart
I moved to New York with my best friend
A shitty apartment and we shared a bed
I hope that she found out who she was then
Cause I still can't tell you who I am
I hate every tattoo I got on myself
I feel like I got them for somebody else
You can get them removed so I might as well
I can start over, I can start over
Sometimes I starve myself when I'm alone
I want to be thinner in all of my clothes
But mostly I just wanna love myself so
I'll try to stop
I look up to my father like he'll never know
He gave me a beautiful life as lives go
Won't amount to half the man he is, I suppose
But he taught me of God, he taught me of God
I met the man of my dreams after all
We'll marry each other and kids won't be long
I've always been scared to be somebody's mom
But I'm changing my mind, I'm changing my mind
Can't remember what I wanted out of my life
Always wanted to be something more than a wife
When I was a kid with some innocent eyes
Before I'd seen the things I've seen
My papa told me that he has his regrets
But he wouldn't change anything that he's done yet
He wouldn't even unsmoke one cigarette
And I believe him and I don't believe him
Nothing I sing even matters, I bet
A lot of artists can say things that I've said
I can list 25 at the top of head
Better than me, better than me
But I came really far, yeah, whatever that means
And you'd look at me and think I got my dreams
But I can't tell you what for the life of me
I even wanted, I even wanted
But life is what you make it
And love is what you make it
And pain is how you take it
And youth is what you make it
So age is what you make it
And fate is what you make it
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